"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
--Albert Einstein
"We know accurately only when we know little; with knowledge, doubt increases."
--Goethe
"There are three types of people is this world. Those who can count and those who can't."
--Unknown
"Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich."
--Unknow
"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there."
--Herb Caen
"He who lives by the sword, will eventually be wiped out by some bastard with a sawed off shotgun."
--Steady Eddy
"Love is not found in the market."
--G. Herbert
"Outlandish Proverbs"
"Courting & wooing bring dallying & doing."
--W. Camden
"Remaines Concerning Britaine"
"Every one to his tastes, as the old woman said when she kissed her cow."
--J. Heywood
"A Dialogue..."
"A friend is never known till needed."
--14th Century Proverb
"As melancholy as a cat."
--16th Century Proverb
"Better an open enemy than a false friend."
--17th Century Proverb
"Five hours sleepeth a traveller, seven a scholar, eight a merchant & eleven a knave."
--17th Century Proverb
"Bachelor's fare: bread & cheese & kisses."
--18th Century Proverb
"As the goodman saith, so say we; But as the goodwife saith, so it must be."
--J. Ray
"English Proverbs"
"To the most beautiful moment in life, Better than the deed, better than the memory, the moment... of anticipation!"
--Jacques
"Jacques to be Wild"
"Oh, my God. Space aliens. Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat them!"
--Homer
"Treehouse of Horror VII"
"Wasting no time, Rex Banner tore into the bootleggers like a chippy tearing into a lobster."
--Narrator
"Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment"
""You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism."
--Mayor Quimby
"Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment"
"We're going out, Marge! If we don't come back, avenge our deaths!
--Homer
"Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment"
"And, for the record, there were a few Jewish cowboys, ladies and gentlemen. Big guys who were great shots and spent money freely."
--Mr. Bergstrom
``Lisa's Substitute''
"Ooo! You kised a girl! That is so gay!"
--Jimbo
"Lisa's Date With Destiny"
"Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help a lot."
--Hank Scorpio
"You Only Move Twice"
"It's strange, but suddenly I feel really confident about myself and I've decided to quit teaching and do what I've always dreamed of doing, hang out and screw hot chicks."
--Mr. Garrison
"Tom's Rhinoplasty"
"YOU are a total, total--a word has yet to be invented to describe how totally - whatever it is - you are, but you ARE one, and a total, total one at that!"
--Rimmer
"Queeg"
"I'm some kind of robot who's fighting this virus, and none of this exists, it's all in a fever, except for you guys, who really do exist, only you're not really here, you're really on some space ship in the future. Hell, if that's got to make sense, I don't want to BE sober!"
--Kryten
"Gunmen of the Apocalypse"
